As there are always humorous, epic climbing stories to be told whilst you're rocking on your "porta-ledge" some 500 metres above the deck in a nor'west gale, or worthy advice always to be gained from others misadventure, I thought it would be nice that some of these pieces could be presented here...

If you have a story, poem or song you'd like to submit please email me at graemek@xtra.co.nz.

• Whio by Joel Zwartz (2024)
• Kea Song by Joel Zwartz (2022)
• Time out by Joel Zwartz (2014)
• here's to... by Paddy Moran (2011)
• Climbing / Tramping Poems by Rod Thomson (2010)
• Tramping Songs by Rod Thomson (2010)
• 'The wild rains' by Hamish Reid (2006)
• Whillanism's by Hamish Reid (2006)
• The best laid plans... by Graeme Kates (1998)

Kea Song

Joel Zwartz (2022)

KEA! KEA! KEA! KEA!
KEA! KEA! KEA! KEA!
Hear ye, hear me, I am here, I am kea.
I am who am, and the boss around here.

Eyes gleaming mischief,
I've really missed ya,
But life put a mountain between you and me.

Destructive and clever,
We're birds of a feather,
From opposite branches of our family tree.

We're the species that speak,
That’s our weapon, our beak.
Expressing ideas is the source of our power.

Applied over time it meant
We got the keys to the planet;
We man it as if it was ours.

====bridge=====
When push comes to shove,
Where bush becomes scrub,
This is the place we're both at.

Not canine or feline
But here at the treeline
We're fated to be dog and cat.
===============

What a time to be in,
We're just spreading our wings and
We're fledging, and noone knows where we'll end up.

But the cycle is vicious,
We're taking you with us:
Your glacier’s melting; there’s lead in your blood.

So was Thanos right?
Should we put out some lights and
Retreat into darkness, no no no no no.

Give us a break;
We're just barely awake,
We've got so much further to go go go go.

Who are the ones who went to the moon
We'll be back again soon
And the other things (we are)

Who are the ones who can read their own recipe
We can see
Why we we are what we are (we are)

WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE.
WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE.

We can't make this genie go back in its bottle,
We have to remodel,
But who's going to do it?

WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE.
WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE. WE ARE.

Oh what have you done to my tent?
You C*N'T be serious...
I love you and hate you
You brave travel mate, you...
DUW duw duw DUW DUW DUW (drum pads signifying the upcoming final lungbursting chorus)

KEA! KEA! KEA! KEA!
KEA! KEA! KEA! KEA!

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